Nail Biting Remedy

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My history for biting my finger nails goes back 40 years.  Forever biting my nails and trying to stop. Trying different methods that didn’t work which equals the amount of times I felt like a failure. There are only 365 days in 1 year so literally I tried thousands of times to stop biting my nails and failed thousands of times.

I would find myself biting my nails when I was anxious, excited, hungry or mad. At times I would catch myself biting them for no reason other than they felt ruff which my biting caused to begin with. If I cleaned with bleach or got gasoline on them, I’d bite them because they would overly dry out and aggravate me.

I became more conscious of how my hands and fingers looked when I became interested in girls. I would hide my hands by putting them behind my back or in my pockets. If that was unavoidable I would simply curl my fingers under to avoid any looks. I hated how my fingers looked. I thought they looked gross and when I saw others who had the same habit I hated my habit even more.

It wasn’t until I read Bob Proctor’s book The Art of Living that I figured out where I was going wrong. I was always thinking how much I don’t like biting my nails. So I kept biting them. From Proctor’s book I devised that it’s where your thoughts go that lead you. I wanted nice looking hands because I liked nice looking hands. I focused on that and nothing else. It has been over 2 years since I quit and they still look nice.

This can work for you. If you have to print a picture of someone’s hands and tape it to your mirror to help then do it. It will remind you of what your goal is. The key is to focus on what you want and not on what you don’t want. I hope my method works for you.

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My White Light Experience

Friday – May 13, 1977 

My father fell asleep while driving with me in the passenger seat when I was 6 years old. Our car ran off the road and flipped upside down in a small creek. The next thing I remember though, was the brightest light as if I were engulfed in it. I felt calm and not scared. It didn’t last long until I slowly started seeing the things around me like the car I had been in, a lake near the car and a bush. I felt gravitational forces pulling my body down and realized I was sitting on a road with my lower left leg gone. I remember seeing flesh and my veins hanging out of my leg. It scared me so I screamed for my father. He gets out of the car and I see him grab my leg from the bush then he picks me up.

My father’s boss just happened to be driving by that night in a new, yellow Cadillac. They picked us up and drove to the hospital. Next thing I remember were the doctors and nurses moving so fast around me it made me feel I was running out of time. No one was looking at me just objectively trying to fix me. I remember wanting to ask if I were going to be ok but too weak to say the words.

I was to transfer to a bigger hospital because the small one couldn’t give me the medical care I needed. I was also told that it took 3 ambulances to get me to that bigger hospital because of one flat tire and one ambulance broke down. I don’t remember anything else until much later when I woke up from the coma. I had been in coma for 2 weeks.

I spent 3 months in the hospital. I have good and bad memories of being there. The nurses were amazing….especially Sharon who became my regular nurse. I met a lot of kids with traumatic injuries. Maybe I’ll write about my experiences in the children’s hospital in the future.

Most people will ask me how did I lose my leg and some will ask what do I remember. I was in my late thirties when I was telling someone new about my childhood car accident when it dawned on me about the light. I always assumed I hallucinated about the lake and street light. I had never thought of my memories in any other way until then. The area where my accident took place was nowhere near a street lamp or a lake. That wasn’t a street lamp I was under. This was in the country on a country road. This was my white light experience.

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Many critics want to define what people experience or reason with an explanation. They will justify what I saw by saying that was traumatic injury to my brain. I don’t have a medical explanation for what I experienced. I feel it was Devine intervention. I do know for a fact..I should have bled to death and many doctors said it was a miracle I lived.

I only shared my personal experience because I know others have experienced this too.

Feeling Lost During Divorce?

 

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I was 40 years old when going through divorce. During that time I felt completely lost and my world was spinning out of control. I read many books on self-enlightenment and used meditation to center and calm my thoughts. It’s been 7 years since my divorce was final and I keep reading, meditating and making more goals. It helped me focus so much during divorce, why stop?

I was content in my marriage until it went tits up. I would come home from work to 3 very active kids and a wife I adored. I didn’t want more from life because I had it all. I didn’t want a job promotion, a new car or a new home. I was happy. Then things fell apart and for a long time during my divorce I felt empty with no direction in my life. I was going through the motions of going to work but I wasn’t fully there. My job was repetitive where I felt like an empty shell showing up to earn my paycheck. I wasn’t drinking or doing anything to alter my thinking just stuck in a lifeless state of being.

Before our divorce was final we decided to move back to Florida so I took some time off to search for places to live. Driving around in Florida alone for a full day looking at homes and apartments sounds nice but I was just going through the motions. I was just driving around in that empty shell of mine. After just one day, I had enough and got some food and went back to the hotel room. It was that evening in my hotel room I started wondering what I was doing. I started trying to define what I was going through. I didn’t want to go look for a place to live and couldn’t figure out what it was that I actually wanted. I felt completely separate from myself as if I were losing control of my reality. I was losing my mind.

“The quest for wholeness can never begin on the external level. It is always an inside job.” -Dr. Shefali Tsabary

A memory came to mind of my roommate in college meditating on his bed. I had never been around anyone doing this before so I had the opportunity to ask him questions about it and try it. He told me it was about centering yourself and your thoughts. I tried it and liked it but didn’t exactly understand it. So here I was in the hotel room feeling extremely lost in life with no direction so I meditated. It took a while to get centered with all the hotel noises of doors closing and elevator bells ringing but then my thoughts started to settle down. My thoughts started to focus only on my breathing. I felt calm and then a feeling of happiness as if to be regaining some control of my life. Then an impulsive thought that defined exactly what I had been feeling, my life was spinning out of control. By defining exactly what I was feeling and what I was going through is where I found direction. It gave me a sense of purpose and I knew what I needed to do next. Stop resisting what I couldn’t change and make the best of it. Hoping somewhere along the way I’ll find happiness and my kids will be less affected by this divorce.

Opening my eyes I now had direction, to not waste the trip to Florida and actually find a place to live. I succeeded with a couple of options with different plans. It felt so good to have direction that it relieved a lot of depression that was brought on by divorce. I had the choice of 2 different apartments. Preferred apartment A but if price wasn’t right and no availability then apartment B. I wrote down my plans on paper so I knew what needed to happen next. I was already approved to transfer to Florida with my employer so I didn’t have to think about that. My plans consisted of searching the web for comparing prices for a moving truck, blankets, boxes and tape. Then canceling phone contracts and cable television services to multiple address changes. I hadn’t realized that my self-confidence had been lost until gaining it back. Getting my plan together and acting on it became my therapy for divorce. It became my focus.

Since the divorce and moving to Florida I have many times over felt lost in my life. Each time I meditate I feel centered as a person and focus on the current moment. I feel as though I’m 47 and I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. I do enjoy writing but fail to see where I could make enough money doing it. So I’ll stick to what I know and try to find work in my field.

In the meantime, I continue to read books on self-enlightenment, mindfulness and meditations. I like learning about different ways of thinking about life. What works and what doesn’t. People such as Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer have written books that feel like the truth because I identify with many things they have written.

If you feel as though your world is spinning out of control then try meditating. Exercise also helps clear the mental cloud. Try reading some books and focusing on learning a new way of dealing with life. It was Albert Einstein who said,  “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

Need ideas making prosthetic limbs for those less fortunate

I welcome ideas

I am a BK (below knee) amputee. I have access to custom made prosthetics in the USA but wonder what other people do in other countries where there aren’t dedicated prosthesis fabricators to make them. My last prosthetic leg cost $14,000 and I can’t even wear it. Made by Hanger and when I asked them to recast it, (make a new mold), they said no I waited too long and now they won’t do it. If I need a casting, I’ll need a prescription for another new prosthesis. So I’ve done nothing because I don’t have that kind of money but that’s a different story. I refuse pity and charity but welcome ideas!

I know there are volunteer groups that go all over the world  to help others and I see that as a way for these same people to help those who may not be mobile because of limb loss. If this is possible, I would like to figure out a way these same volunteers to take a kit of some kind and help these people.

The KIT:

I envision a small box that contains everything they need to fit one amputee. Before they leave they could watch a YouTube training video on how to use the kit. I think of ways the amputee they are helping to be included in this process so they can make repairs once the volunteers leave. If the amputee sees how it is made, then maybe their ideas will improve upon ours. The kits would have to be low cost but I’m thinking less than $50 for everything they would need with instructions. That’s the goal anyway.

Making the mold:

The first steps in making the customer mold is use plaster and wrap the stump in it until it dries. When the mold is removed you have an impression of the shape of the stump. Sounds easy but my prosthesist always marked my stump where I felt pain as to include relief areas in the molding for the final prosthesis. Maybe a marker could be used? After the plaster dries (could mud or clay be used?), what would fill it to make the stump molding? Only thing I can think of is the foam insulation in a can. It’s about $7 and could fit in the box. But can people transport it on planes? I don’t know.

As for the rest:

As to what would be used for the shell, I don’t know because my prosthetics use carbon fiber weaves. Super strong and light weight but how would people use that in other countries?

I hope there are some people who read this that have seen different materials used. What did they use before carbon fiber? Wood? Would there be an interest from any prosthesists organizations to come up with a cheaper solution for those in need? I don’t think I will get much help because it hurts their wallets.

I would appreciate any feedback anyone has. There are people in every country who can’t afford one or simply needs a replacement and I would love for there to be an alternative way that was cheap and effective.

  • Marker $2
  • Plaster rolls $10 (guessing)
  • Foam spray $7
  • donated used boxes $0

$19 but so far to go into the unknown.

The Handicap Question for Online Job Applications

The Job Application Process

The very end of every online job application that I have filled out in the last 20 months includes a whole page of…are you handicapped? Check yes or no? There is a box that includes reasons you may be considered handicapped:

  • Cancer
  • Deaf
  • Blind
  • Austism
  • Epilepsy
  • Diabetes
  • Cerebral Palsy
  • HIV/AIDS
  • Schizophrenia
  • Muscular dystrophy
  • Bipolar disorder
  • Major depression
  • MS = Multiple sclerosis
  • Missing limbs
  • PTSD = Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Obsessive compulsive disorder
  • Wheelchair bound
  • Intellectual disability (previously called mental retardation)

So if one of these conditions describes us, we are supposed to be honest and check yes.  Do yourself a huge favor and lie! This is the only lie I NOW make because I can’t even get an in-person interview with ANY possible future employer. No one has been interested. I live near one of the largest cities in Florida where there are 2 main hospital groups,  they own most of the hospitals within 2 hours of travel. There have been so many BIOMED positions posted and I have applied for every one. In 20 months I have received one phone interview.

I consulted my sister who said stop checking the handicapped box. So I stopped checking it as of 10 months ago. Problem is after you LOG IN to websites and apply for any jobs, you can not un-check the handicapped box. You can change your race or veteran status but not the handicap option. It isn’t asked again.

So I called the Human Resources Department of both hospitals. Each phone call was strangely the same. I talked to a representative and told them I needed to un-check the handicapped box and they very quickly said that doesn’t have any bearing on my application and that they do not discriminate. I explained that I have 20 years of experience and haven’t even gotten an interview so if they would please let me un-check that box I would appreciate it. They explained that they can’t make that change. I wanted to ask, “can’t or won’t?” but didn’t want to ruin what minuscule chance I might have at employment in the future.

I don’t see my chances getting much better. I have no voice or anyone to listen to me. I have no say in the matter if they will interview me or hire me. No one to complain to except a possible lawyer that can’t prove I’ve been discriminated against. My one lawyer would be up against several dozen of the most expensive assholes making sure nothing gets changed. The only thing I can do is voice my frustration on here. To say it’s not fair!

RECONSIDER BEFORE CHECKING YES IF YOU ARE HANDICAPPED.

I have worked in the medical device repair industry for 20 years. I am missing my left lower leg (car wreck at 6 years old). This doesn’t impede my job, not entirely. Sometimes it may make me tired more quickly than other days but this is not often or frequent. I have worked on the floor repairing OR tables because there was problems with the hydraulics. I have worked using ladders to repair OR lights. The references I can provide of former coworkers is enough evidence that I’m good at what I do. Given the chance at an interview I could encourage the hiring manager to reach out to the people I’ve worked with and ask them what kind of employee I was. I’ve never been a bad employee. I never would have thought that I would have a problem with getting employment. All because of a car wreck when I was 6 years old? No, all because I checked yes for handicapped.